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Americans are bro

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Americans are broad-minded people. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater, and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there is something wrong with him.

A city that outdistances man's walking powers is

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A city that outdistances man's walking powers is a trap for man.

Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no long

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Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.

Any man who can

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Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror

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The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.

The civilized man has built a coach, but has lost

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The civilized man has built a coach, but has lost the use of his feet.

A tree never hits an automobile except in self de

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A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.

A pedestrian is someone who thought there were a

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A pedestrian is someone who thought there were a couple of gallons left in the tank.

Natives who beat

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Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.

When buying a used car, punch the buttons on the

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When buying a used car, punch the buttons on the radio. If all the stations are rock and roll, there's a good chance the transmission is shot.

Patience is something you admire in the driver be

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Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.

It takes 8,460

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It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter it all over the road.

It wasn't the

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It wasn't the Exxon Valdez captain's driving that caused the Alaskan oil spill. It was yours.

Restore human legs as a means of travel. Pe

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Restore human legs as a means of travel. Pedestrians rely on food for fuel and need no special parking facilities.

Modern technology Owes ecology An apology

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Modern technology
Owes ecology
An apology.

Never drive fas

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Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

The longest journey begins with a single step, no

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The longest journey begins with a single step, not with a turn of the ignition key.

A suburban mother

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A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.

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