Academe, n.: An ancient school where morali
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Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: [from academe] A modern school where football is taught.
Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There
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Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors.
American football makes rugby look like a Tupperw
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American football makes rugby look like a Tupperware party.
The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen tha
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
Football is, after all, a wonderful way to get rid
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Football is, after all, a wonderful way to get rid of your aggressions without going to jail for it.
One of the great disappointments of a football ga
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One of the great disappointments of a football game is that the cheerleaders never seem to get injured.
Football combines the two worst things about Amer
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Football combines the two worst things about America: it is violence punctuated by committee meetings.
Baseball is what we were. Football is what
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Baseball is what we were. Football is what we have become.
If a man watches three football games in a row, h
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
Football is not a game but a religion, a metaphys
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Football is not a game but a religion, a metaphysical island of fundamental truth in a highly verbalized, disguised society, a throwback of 30,000 generations of anthropological time.
Baseball players are smarter than football player
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Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?
You have to play this game like somebody just hit
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You have to play this game like somebody just hit your mother with a two-by-four.
When I went to Catholic high school in Philadelph
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When I went to Catholic high school in Philadelphia, we just had one coach for football and basketball. He took all of us who turned out and had us run through a forest. The ones who ran into the trees were on the football team.
At the base of it was the urge, if you wanted to
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At the base of it was the urge, if you wanted to play football, to knock someone down, that was what the sport was all about, the will to win closely linked with contact.
The reason women don't play football is because e
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The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
Most football players are temperamental. Th
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Most football players are temperamental. That's 90 percent temper and 10 percent mental.
If you're mad at your kid, you can either raise h
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If you're mad at your kid, you can either raise him to be a nose tackle or send him out to play on the freeway. It's about the same.
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepa
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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