Always read something that will make you look goo
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Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
The proper behavior all through the holiday seaso
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The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
Good manners can replace morals. It may be
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Good manners can replace morals. It may be years before anyone knows if what you are doing is right. But if what you are doing is nice, it will be immediately evident.
Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled
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Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.
Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the scho
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Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.
The weirder you're going to behave, the more norm
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The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
You can't get rid of poverty by giving people mon
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You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.
Drugs have taught an entire generation of America
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Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system.
After all, what is your host's purpose in having a
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After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
I suppose I should get a VCR, but the only thing
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I suppose I should get a VCR, but the only thing I like about television is its ephemerality.
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes:
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Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.
Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fun
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Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
After all, what is your host's purpose in having a
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After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
Journalists aren't supposed to praise things.
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Journalists aren't supposed to praise things. It's a violation of work rules almost as serious as buying drinks with our own money or absolving the CIA of something.
Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fun
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Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
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