People that pay for things never complain.
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People that pay for things never complain. It's the guy you give something to that you can't please.
An onion can make people cry, but there has never
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An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh.
Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, no
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Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?
Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it do
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Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches.
You can't say civilization don't advance, however
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You can't say civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.
I guess there is nothing that will get your mind
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I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to
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Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Another way to solve the traffic problems of this
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Another way to solve the traffic problems of this country is to pass a law that only paid-for cars be allowed to use the highways.
This country has come to feel the same when Congr
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This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
I bet after seeing us, George Washington would su
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I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him father.
I have always claimed Americans didn't want a dri
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I have always claimed Americans didn't want a drink as bad as they wanted the right to take a drink if they did happen to want one.
If you make any money, the government shoves you i
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If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run
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Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Things ain't what they used to be and probably ne
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Things ain't what they used to be and probably never was.
I was just thinking, if it is really religion wit
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I was just thinking, if it is really religion with these nudist colonies, they sure must turn atheists in the wintertime.
Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects
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Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
If you get to thinking you're a person of some in
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If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.
People who fly into a rage always make a bad land
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People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.
I was just thinking, if it is really religion wit
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I was just thinking, if it is really religion with these nudist colonies, they sure must turn atheists in the wintertime.
The income tax has made more liars out of the Ame
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The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr.
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