Then join hand in hand, brave Americans all!
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Then join hand in hand, brave Americans all!
By uniting we stand, by dividing we fall.
If our American way of life fails the child, it f
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If our American way of life fails the child, it fails us all.
A good cigar is like a beautiful chick with a gre
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A good cigar is like a beautiful chick with a great body who also knows the American League box scores.
One out of three hundred and twelve Americans is
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One out of three hundred and twelve Americans is a bore... and a healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience.
Each day, the American housewife turns toward tel
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Each day, the American housewife turns toward television as toward a lover. She feels guilty about it, and well she might, for he's covered with warts and is only after her money.
The flower imperishable of this valiant age, -
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The flower imperishable of this valiant age, -
A true American!
The statistics on sanity are that one out of ever
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The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
Any American boy can be a basketball star if he g
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Any American boy can be a basketball star if he grows up, up, up.
Football is a mistake. It combines two of t
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Football is a mistake. It combines two of the worst things about American life. It is violence punctuated by committee meetings.
The American Revolution was a beginning, not a co
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The American Revolution was a beginning, not a consummation.
Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits
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Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.
Libraries are the one American institution you sh
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Libraries are the one American institution you shouldn't rip off.
One thousand Americans stop smoking every day - b
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One thousand Americans stop smoking every day - by dying.
The Constitution only guarantees the American peop
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The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.
Some Americans need hyphens in their names, becau
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Some Americans need hyphens in their names, because only part of them has come over; but when the whole man has come over, heart and thought and all, the hyphen drops of its own weight out of his name.
Sometimes people call me an idealist. Well, that is the way I know I am an American. America is the only idealistic nation in the world.
There is nothing the matter with Americans except
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There is nothing the matter with Americans except their ideals. The real American is all right; it is the ideal American who is all wrong.
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