I also hate those holidays that fall on a Monday
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I also hate those holidays that fall on a Monday where you don't get mail, those fake holidays like Columbus Day. What did Christopher Columbus do, discover America? If he hadn't, somebody else would have and we'd still be here. Big deal.
Holidays are enticing only for the first week or
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Holidays are enticing only for the first week or so. After that, it is no longer such a novelty to rise late and have little to do.
The proper behavior all through the holiday seaso
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The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
A good holiday is one spent among people whose no
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A good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than yours.
Holidays are enticing only for the first week or
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Holidays are enticing only for the first week or so. After that, it is no longer such a novelty to rise late and have little to do.
I considered atheism, but there weren't enough ho
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I considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays.
Decoration Day is the most beautiful of our natio
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Decoration Day is the most beautiful of our national holidays.... The grim cannon have turned into palm branches, and the shell and shrapnel into peach blossoms.
Labor Day is a glorious holiday because your chil
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Labor Day is a glorious holiday because your child will be going back to school the next day. It would have been called Independence Day, but that name was already taken.
All religions are the same: religion is bas
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All religions are the same: religion is basically guilt, with different holidays.
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