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There are two kinds of people in the world:

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There are two kinds of people in the world: those who love chocolate, and communists.

A day will come when a cannon will be exhibited i

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A day will come when a cannon will be exhibited in museums, just as instruments of torture are now, and the people will be astonished that such a thing could have been.

People demand freedom of speech as a compensation

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People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use.

A small man can be just as exhausted as a great m

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A small man can be just as exhausted as a great man.

Leisure: A fancy word for people who don't

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Leisure: A fancy word for people who don't want to admit they're bored.

A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant thin

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A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people.

Jewelry takes people's minds off your wrinkles.

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Jewelry takes people's minds off your wrinkles.

Black people dominate sports in the United States

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Black people dominate sports in the United States - 20 percent of the population and 90 percent of the Final Four. We own this shit. Basketball, baseball, football, golf, tennis, and as soon as they make a heated hockey rink we'll take that shit too.

People seem to get nostalgic about a lot of thing

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People seem to get nostalgic about a lot of things they weren't so crazy about the first time around.

I've met a few people in my time who were enthusi

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I've met a few people in my time who were enthusiastic about hard work. And it was just my luck that all of them happened to be men I was working for at the time.

When its 100 degrees in New York, it's 72 in Los

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When its 100 degrees in New York, it's 72 in Los Angeles. When its 30 degrees in New York, in Los Angeles it's still 72. However, there are 6 million interesting people in New York, and 72 in Los Angeles.

The world is full of people whose notion of a sat

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The world is full of people whose notion of a satisfactory future is, in fact, a return to the idealized past.

Some people are born on third base and go through

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Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.

There are people so addicted to exaggeration they

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There are people so addicted to exaggeration they can't tell the truth without lying.

A mother is a person who seeing there are only fou

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A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.

Hard work spotlights the character of people:

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Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.

People who complain about taxes can be divided in

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People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women.

The average man never really thinks from end to e

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The average man never really thinks from end to end of his life. The mental activity of such people is only a mouthing of clich s.

My God! How little do my countrymen know wh

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My God! How little do my countrymen know what precious blessings they are in possession of, and which no other people on earth enjoy!

All charming people have something to conceal, us

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All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others.

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