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What we're really talking about is a wonderful da

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What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?

If evolution really works, how come mothers only

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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

I think everyone should go to college and get a d

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I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and then spend six months as a bartender and six months as a cabdriver. Then they would really be educated.

Wallets are the fabricated items into which we pu

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Wallets are the fabricated items into which we put our fabricated money, which most people believe to be their possession of the realest value.

I take it that what all men are really after is s

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I take it that what all men are really after is some form of, perhaps only some formula of, peace.

There is nothing the matter with Americans except

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There is nothing the matter with Americans except their ideals. The real American is all right; it is the ideal American who is all wrong.

Never waste jealousy on a real man: it is th

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Never waste jealousy on a real man: it is the imaginary man that supplants us all in the long run.

I really don't think I need buns of steel.

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I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon.

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